The Rubber Band Story

Once upon a time in a far off land, lived a Princess named Smartypants. She lived in a rubber band with her parents, gradnparents, and her sister. No dear readers, these are not fictitious situations, they are true. The rubber band was of the perfect amount of tightness. It was not too tight. Not too loose. Every once in a while Princess Smartypants could stretch stretch streeeetttchhh the rubber band and move away a bit further out, but the rubbreband always unstretched itself and Princess Smartypants found herself catapaulting back to the tight unstrecthed center. Although Princess Smartypants had the prefect life stuck inside that not-too-tight and not-too-loose rubberband, she always wondered what life was like outside the rubber band. Far enough outside that she wouldnt have to be squished back inside whenever she ever so slightly tugged on the sides of the rubber band. No she didnt wonder, she craved for a life far enough outside of the rubberband. Because everyone else outside of the rubberband seemed to be so free. Nobody else seemed to be living ina rubber band. Infact her best friend or any of her friends infact didnt seem to have a rubberband around them.

One fine day Princess Smartypants decided enough was enough. It was time to explore the outside world. But she knew the rubber band was not-too-tight and not-too-loose. So she decided to tug on a little by little and see how far it could stretch. But she wasnt absolutely sure it was the right thing to do. I belive she was a little worried about what might happen to her if she tugged too hard and the rubber band ripped. So she tugged and she tugged. She stopped at a point where she was exactly far enough from the rest of the family, so that they could fling back the rubber band whenever they wanted to, and she could come scampering back. She felt like she was almost outside of the rubber band, but yet felt the tightness around her. It was ok. She liked it that way. It was half way from inside the rubber band. And half way from outside the rubber band. And after all, she didnt think she was ready to pull the rubber band farther away...she was still scared it might rip.

After a couple of days Princess Smartypants got started to feel strange in this new situation. The empty space inside the stretched rubber band started to get in the way of other people's rubber bands, and gradually the emptyness started to grow. Why? Because she suddenly realized that she was still tugging on the rubber band, and was actually moving farther away. This was new to her! She suddenly got really adveturous and pulled really hard . She wasnt scared or ripping the rubber band anymore! But to her surprise, the rubber band didnt rip. Instead it just strechted and stretched and stretched and stretched so far out...that she felt like her strength would give in. Stretching the rubber band became the most important task in her life! She put in all her effort to stretch it farther. Eventually she reached a point where she turned back and couldnt see the rest of the family anymore. It was a new sense of excitement. She had done it. She had stretched the rubber band as farther than anyone had expected her to. Although it was really really hard for her to keep the rubber band stretched so far out, she was determined to keep it that way. Although every once in a while she would get so tired, she just wanted to give up and let go of the sides. And she longed to be catapaulted back in...but she wouldnt give up. This was her achievement. This is what she grew up dreaming about. And she made it. Nothing or nobody could make her give up. And to this Princess Smartypants stands very tired and almost worn out from putting all her living energy into keeping the rubberband stretched out. Now she dreams of going back into the center of the not-so-tight and not-so-loose rubber band, and she dreams of feeling stuck inside it once again. Although in the back of her mind I believe she knows what she has done is a great achivement, and not a lot of people would be able to keep the rubber band stretched for so long. Infact, the rubber band seems to be getting tighter everyday, and is getting harder to hold out. But she will not give up. Maybe some day she will take a break. She will reach out of her rubber band ( while still making sure she doesnt rip it), and she will pull around her the rubber band of her Prince In-Shining-Armour. When she feels absolutely secure standing in the intersection of the two rubber bands, she will let go for a bit. This time, she will stretch the Prince In-Shining-Armour's rubber band as far as she can take it, and let the other rubber band squish her back into the family. Thats the day she is waiting for. She knows thats the most she can do for now. But as of now, she is still waiting. For the perfect sunrise. The perfect morning when she will wake up, and realize all she has actually made all her dreams have come true. She knows her childhood dream has already come true. But her grown up dream still awaits in front of her. Princess Smartypants knows that dreams do come true. Only if you know how to pull the rubber band to the perfect distance.

I would like to say, and Princess Smartypants lived happily ever after...but Im not sure if she did. But this much I can say...life is all about rubber bands, and how much you pull them. One day hopefully Princess Smartypants will be living happily ever after. The day she wakes up to the perfect sunrise.

THE END

PS. Rashed come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaackkkkkkk.....dealing with two rubber bands at the same time is one too many ok??????????????????????

blah

DO NOT...and I repeat...DO NOT go grocery shopping when you are so hungry you could eat a horse. The results are nothing but an overflowing fridge and underflowing bank account. And my experience tells me, those are both a total waste.

Today is the second day a random person in the elevator complemented me on my shoes. So very random.

Coffee only smells good, and creates cravings. But when I actually drink some, it makes me feel sick. I shall stick to coke. ( the soft drink...not the drugs, just incase someone's wondering)

I want to go home.

And I have to plan September really well in order to meet both my deadlines. It has proven to be fairly technically challenging working on two completely different programs, and even more technically challenging to frequently switch between languages. I was using System.out.println repeatedly in some c++ code to log debug info, and was about to bang my head on the desk because the damn thing wouldnt compile. After a very prolonged ( dont want to mention how long) experience of frustration and self degradation, I realized where I was going wrong. And needless to say, felt like kicking myself. All in all... I need a plan. A good one too. My september weekends are going to be crazy. Long weekend in Toronto. Weekend after that in Tremblant. Weekend after that in vancouver. And the weekend after that possibly in Quebec City. Wow that sounds good....specially wehn put in writing:D Im a Fall kind of person...not Summer. So I try to enjoy my one month of perfect weather yay:) So basically I will have no weekends. AND I will have to figure out how to keep sane at work, while making it to the deadlines without any major pitfalls. :S

I feel so much better after a very late dinner. And all the cleaning up. Im so glad my room mates finally came around and started helping me out.

My blog is officially becoming the most utterly and bitterly boring thing. Infact, it even bores me to write so much boring stuff. Maybe that just means my life right now is amazingly boring...hmmm.

ByeBye Summer

You realize how desparately you are craving for a break, when you find yourself laughing out loud at Will and Grace. That too while you're not really watching it, but listening to it in the background, while simultaneously a) cooking shrimps and tofu in the kitchen b) doing your laundry in the basement c) mopping the stairs d) watering the plants e) talking to housing services people on the phone. Yes, life can sometimes be an absolutely dry and boring collection of routined ( or random) events.

On a more subtly relaxing note, I dont know what to tell my manager ( and every other person at work) who seems to be under the impression that programming is not for me, and I should be seeking a more people oriented career in marketing or customer network planning. It would really help if she would sort of do my homework for me. I mean I have no idea what kind of positions she is talking about, and I dont seem to have a lot of time to actually make a decision. Time to think some more...

The only reason I am blogging now is because I have way too many things to do, but I dont feel like doing anything. I am SO moving to Masumas place tomorow, and not coming back home for a good long week. Uggh. Home has turned into a place I dont want to come back to! Too many things to do...too many things to do aaaaaaaaaa.

The bbq today was awesome. The weather was perfect. Creepy guy from the 4th floor still continues to be creepy, and freaks the hell out of me by showing up at OUR directorship outing, and not going to his! What a creep! I am still debating on whether I should actually go up and say Hi to prove to him that there is no need for him to stare from a distance, but rather he can come up and talk to me!!! The whole time at the beach while everyone else was chilling and having fun, mr creep decides to sit under a tree with his headphones on and not socialize with anyone at all!!! Whats up with that???? I just remembered soemthing...D from Mr creeps group was asking me yesterday whether I had a boyfriend or not! But at that point I thought he was asking just cos he wanted to know if I would come alone to the party on the 16th!!! Maybe mr creep was involved in that somehow...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Work place scandals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyday when I walk into work I hope mr creep wont be there...but alas, that day has not come yet! Maybe I'll just wait it out till december when my work term ends...and I wont have to deal with it anymore haha! But still....EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

The Random Busy Sunday

Saturdays are my favorite days of the week. See, its the first day of the week that I get to sleep in late without having to climb out from under the warm and snug sheets and walking the distance to shut the alarm clock up. Ive been increasing the distance from my bed to the alarm clock by the maximum amount, and yet I find myself crawling back in. But thats another story. And on Saturdays I get to get out of bed thinking I can sleep in tomorow too yay! (btw I cant remember how to spell tomorow anymore...2 m's or 2 r's?) And also on Saturdays I can slack of from doing all the house hold chores by telling myself that I can do it all tomorow:D

But.. sadly when tomorow comes, Im swamped with so much unnecesary crap, that i dont get anything done! So the lesson learnt is that I should use my Saturdays wisely. But I seldom actually act on my lessons learnt, so my life will continue to be the same.

Today is one of the most beautiful days in the past couple of weeks. More like past whole summer. But Im stuck at home cleaning up my room mates crap, because she was in a rush to move out. Hmm...I seem to be doing this every term. I think Im just one of those people who people assume to be there when they need help...AND assume that I have nothing better to do, and will always help out no matter what.

Ive officially declared that I am not-that-into corporate engineering jobs. I want to explore a career in teaching. I dont think anyone I know sees me as Professor Rehman ( *HAHAHAHHAHAHA I dont see myself as Professor Rehman...Hillarious!!!*), but it may as well be a possibility. 9 to 5 jobs can get annoying at a certain point. Although Im still finding it exciting, I can see it getting annoying easily and very soon. So Ive officially completed a full circle of career choices. From dreaming of becoming an astronaut (at 8), to the CEO of my own company(9 to 18), to contracted consultant(19 to 20), to a regular designer/developer 9 to 5 er(20-23) to a professor! Needless to say I also grew up in the process. I say full circle, because a Professor is exactly what I was destined to be...but I was supposedly in denial all my life!!! Although the pros and cons are still being considered...I might as well just prepare myself for it! I would hate to make a drastic career choice smack in the middle of an already budding career. Not sure if that actually made sense. But in the end, my career isnt everything. I probably have a lot more to my life. Maybe I'll actually get to travel at some point in my life. Although I try to keep that in the background at all time, because I know that as soon as I start thinking about my traveling plans, it grows bigger and bigger and takes up all my waking time. But yes I do have traveling plans that nobody else knows about *muahahahha*!

I am officially sad too. Rashed left for Bangladesh, and I dont have anyone to call today!!!So I havent spoken all day!! Well msn spoken yes, but not actual speaking:(. I think I slightly miss the khalas calling me every day of the week. It only started bothering me when they would start talking about potential marriage plans with strange men. Otherwise I do like talking to them both:) I cant wait to go home this December:D Yay:) Now that I have the M-C wedding and flying home dates worked out, I feel alot happier:)

Ok time to get back to cleaning...ew.

...and life goes on

Dear Dadiamma,

You know, I had a dream a long loooong time ago....maybe a couple of years ago. But I still remember it! I dreamt it was your 85th birthday, and we were celebrating it hindi movie style!!! We were at Chowdhury Lodge, and somehow in my dreams it was like a mansion ( kinda like the palace in Anastasia). And we had people playing violins and a grand piano, and there were lots of dressed up people, lots of food! And a huge huge cake that said "Happy 85th Dadiamma!". I guess that will always remain a dream. Chowdhury Lodge doesnt exist anymore. And you didnt wait for us to celebrate your 85th.

I dont think Ive still come to terms with the fact that you wont be there when I go home this winter. Tasneem sent me pictures of Naniamma's birthday, and this seems to be the first time I remember celebrating Naniamma's birthday without you. It was just one cake. One candle. One card.

But dont worry, because I try not to be sad. But its hard not to be sad! I couldnt sleep all night on your birthday because bits and pieces of my memory of you kept on coming back. And I kept on hearing your voice from the last time I spoke to you. I called you, and Im not sure if you knew it was me. You held the phone and said 'batha'. And I asked you kothay batha? You said shobkhane. And I keep on hearing you saying that. I heard your pain in your voice. And thats why I try not to be sad. Because you're probably not in pain anymore.

Last year on your birthday you were telling me that this maybe the last. Of course I didnt belive you! And you said you would have all the coke and ice cream because it would be your last. You also told me that after you were gone I wouldnt even remember your birthday. Thats not true. I always will. All of us will. I dont think my memories of you and every little piece of advice you gave me will ever fade. Some times the things you taught me were a bit outrageous, I must admit! Like using a different towel for every part of my body! Or having coke after every meal, cos it helps digest food better! Or changing clothes every few hours! But the life lessons you left with me will always be here to take me through the rest of my life. And infact even though you left without me being by your side, you left me with a life lesson. I guess everyone will leave, and I will have to come to terms with it. You just had to be the first one, telling me how to deal with it.

You will always be someone to look up to for advice!

-Sameen

Family vs Friends (i.e East vs West)

The question is, should I miss Maria and Chris' wedding to spend an extra week with my famliy this December?

There comes a point in such arguments, when you really feel the need to shut up. There is no way I can even bring myself to explain to my family that I should cut my vacation at home short in order to attend my best friend's wedding. My best friend on the other hand, does not see or understand why exactly being with my family for 7 (actually 5) extra days, after almost 2 yrs of not being with them, is absolutely crucial for my psycological well being in the Winter term.

The first time I faced a culture clash unfortunately had to involve the wedding of my two best friends ( to each other of course!), and the (im)possibility of visitng my parents after one year and 8 months.

Should I cut short my familiy visit to be my best friend's maid of honor? My bengali self says NO. But the canadian (friends) influenced me says YES. Dunno what Im going to do. Time is running out. And I cant negociate with either side.Hmmmppphhh.Grrrrrrrr.

Im missing my Rajshahi days again. Somewhere between my painful 8 months in RU and the amazingly happening and eventful 3.5 years in Ottawa, I still feel incomplete! Living away from home and family in a carefree independent life maybe every teenager's dream...but is it always as amazing as it seems?

Im annoyed with my horse riding teacher. She refuses to promote us to the next level.Aaarrrghhhh. Im really angry actually. I refuse to pay all that much money again to stay in the same level. I demand a refund. The picture is me and my horsey Ginger:)...whom I dont get to ride anymore:( Sadness.

sleepless in ottawa

I cant sleep. Weeknights are so annoying. I try to force myself to sleep early. But I cant get to sleep. Which results in not being able to wake up early enough to catch the last bus to work. Ugghh.

I just realized today that I find immense pleasure in cooking and cleaning, when its not mandatory. So although I have the skills, I will not make a good housewife( not that I intend to!). Cos no mandatory house work. Only once in a while when I feel like it. I typically feel like it when someone else is involved. Like when someone's coming over, or when Im cooking for someone else. Never for myself.

Giving people guilt trips and eventually forcing them to do favors for me is becoming a habit. I must reform myself. Even though that may result in not getting free rides from friends..hehe.

Ottawa is really beautiful, now that Ive stopped being bitter about the heat. I walked out early this morning, cos it was too hot inside. But it was beautiful outside. A slow breeze. Birds. Clear skies. Then suddenly I smelled it. The smell of winter. Very very mild. Almost non existant. Suddenly appearing. Then dissappering again. But Im pretty sure. It was that strange sort of mellow yet mesmerizing smell of the cold. It was probably completely imaginary. Theres no way winters creeping in so soon. But one can never be sure. Its Canada. Thats how the weather works. Totally unexpected. I must say though, it was sort of like a relief after the horrible heat...specially in my room. I might be looking forward to the winter actually. Its funny how I love the change. Although I complain like no other, I still enjoy the weather when it gradually starts getting colder and colder and colder untill I cant breathe properly anymore! But Ottawa is pretty no matter what. I think I can finally dare to say...I like living here!

The Pink Room

My room is officially complete. And Pink. After almost a 7 month search, I have finally found something to use as a bedside table. That was the only piece of furniture missing from my room. My search finally ended at Linens and Things. I have no clue why I even chose to go there. Maybe it was God's will:P Saturday afternoon blues. Last week it took me to Home Outfitters. This week it was Linens and Things. Im becoming so involved with my room these days. Its like an obsession. I cant wait to get back from work and go into my room. As soon as I come into my room I start cleaning and organizing it. The most recent addition (before the bedside table thingy) is the pink star and pink lava lamp. Thats what happens when you post your wishlist two weeks before your birthday! You get the perfect presents yay!

Discovery of the day: Warning on a coffe mug - Caution: Contents inside maybe hot. Spillage may cause injury. *Duhhhhhh!!!!*

Funny Happening of the day: Some brown 'uncle' getting on 111 Lincoln Fields... arguing with bus driver saying Lincoln Fields is the other way! Must love the brown uncles...they can be hillarious sometimes!

Ugly happening of the day: Meeting Priya on the bus, and grossing her out by showing her my sunburnt peeling skin.

Best part of the day: Discovering Anadjeet's CD pack with hundreds of burnt movies...yayayayayaya...I finally have something to waste more time on:D

K, enough ramblings. Have to get back to decorating my room with the new bedside box thingy and all the pinkness...that looks orangish in the pics above! Too-da-loo.

Islam for Non Muslims

I took my best friend and her fiance to listen to Sheikh K Yasin's lecture about the purpose of life. It was cool. Totally geared towards non muslims, so I was glad I took M and C. They enjoyed it. But most of the time I find I dont know enough about Islam to answer people's questions. I guess thats what happens when ure born a muslim and grow up a muslim in a very moderate relaxed atmosphere. You start to take it for granted. Totally.

M thought it wasnt right that the speaker kept on saying that Jesus (the bible) acknowledged Muhammad(pbuh) and Muhammad(pbuh) acknowledged Jesus. I know and can explain the second part. But as for where and how in the bible Muhammad was prophecized...I have no idea. So if you know anything related to this...please give me a shout. I really want to clear it out with M. As for M's other concern, she didnt like the fact that it was mentioned that Jesus never declared himself as the son of God. People did. That too...I cant explain. But all in all...I liked the lecture...it was reassuring:)

Recently Ive been feeling, intelligent people who otherwise belive to be knowledgeable and educated about how the world and nations and cultures work...are overusing logic to analyze the present day situation of the world! Sometimes when I think about it, I cant believe how media can create waves of mass belief or rather hysteria.

Like this guy. Unless otherwise stated, his ideas and thoughts probably all fall into place, and Im assuming he's a lot more knowledgable about political issues than I am, but really...if you truly want to prove something that is sort of on the borderline in terms of global controversy...you can place all your evidence on one side and close the case. I realize its this person's freedom of speech, just as it is mine...but I find it to be very depressing that this is exactly how the world works. The media tells the world something. The mass grabs hold of it, and analyzes it. When the mass happens to be particularly not aware of the topic being portrayed by the media, the media chooses what the mass should decide. The mass in return lives with this pseudo belief that the decision or opinion is his/her own. Technically, everyone has the right to speak their mind...but shouldnt we speak it after we've analyzed things from a neutral stand point? The logic I was talking about initially wasnt the logic used by the mass to reach their pseudo beliefs. It was common sense. Dont generalize or judge something or someone when you dont know enough about them! Even if you know a hundred muslim people....is that enough to make a judgement by? How well do you know these people? If you know them really well you will realize most of them are like you or me. They have a religion. They have a nationality. They have a culture. Chances are each of these are different for each of the hundred people. Each of the hundred probably wear different clothes. Eat different food. Have different lifestyles. The only thing they have in common are that they belive in and love the same Allah. Maybe one or two of the hundred love Allah so much that they are willing to die for him. But thats what you tell your girlfriend or boyfriend too sometimes hehe! But do you really die for your girlfriend or boyfriend?? ok bad comparison. But probably proves my point. People have different ways of expressing themselves in higly emotional states. If one of your brothers and sisters have suicidal tendencies, doesnt mean all of you are the same just because you have the same parents. Yes you and your brothers and sisters have some similar values, but that doesnt let me reach a general assumption that you're all the same in every single way. I cant evaluate your sister's past behaviour to make an assumption about how you will behave in a certain situation.

Sometimes sociology, psychology all those things seem really cool. But sometimes their theories are so overused...its sickening. I totally understand where people are coming from when they make judgements about Muslim people. But really truly, it makes me sick. I know I know. Thats just how the world works. I turn the tv on, people analyzing muslims. I open the papers, people judging muslims. I go to lunch with co workers, somehow it comes up. Really...is it necessary???And YES THERE ARE MODERATE MUSLIMS THANK YOU. Some of us actually have a life of our own, and like to practice our religion in our own private way. We're good decent people who mind our own business, help people in need, do good deeds, and most importantly pray to Allah that eventually most people will come to realize that its not Islam that is the problem. It is all those smart-ass know it all people who just choose to point fingers at everyone else in the world and use their emmense(immense?) knowledge to watch from far away and analyze and re analyze and over analyze other people's issues and stick their noses into what truly is not their business, and close their eyes and ears to the rest of the world. And needless to mention, these people maybe of any religion, caste or creed.

So thats all for tonight's rant. I get involved way too much! To hell with the media and stupid people! As long as my own belief holds strong throughout thick and thin...I shouldnt be the one complaining! Infact it really doesnt affect me in anyway. Its just that, if I could have it my way...(i.e the whole world would name me queen,and listen to everything i say *smirk*)...the world wouldve been a very peaceful place. As for now, all I have in my power is to blog about my dissapointment about anti islamic feelings!

Best Friends

I just called my best friend from school. It was weird at first...cos we were going through the whole long distance phone card time lag issues! But eventually we got in sync, and things were good. Too bad she had to leave for class or something. But i'll call tomorow again. Catching up on high school gossip is fun. The first person out of my high school graduating class to get married is Shamsad. Which is hillarious, cos she didnt seem like a person who would get married so soon! That to ... to her prof lol..a young one, so dont get grossed out. One of my friends got the DV lottery and is moving to the states. Weird. She doesnt want to move at all. Her Dad is forcing her to. Alas. Another innocent life gets lost in the federal madness. High school friends moving away, and making new friends/boyfriends/girlfriends. Me moving on. Funny how people go their own separate ways.

Sun Burns

Turns out I am one out of a million brown people who have extreme sun sensitive skin, and either I have to stop doing outdoor activities altogether, or use extreme proection (SPF 60 or higher if possible!). That makes me real real sad. Im a very outdoorsy person. Not a sporty one. But just outdoorsy.And now I cant be outdoorsy anymore. That really strains and restricts my day to day life...boo.

The week in a sentence

I missed you blogggyyyyy!!!...cheesy...but true...went through my lil to do list...and i surprised myself by doing most of it...the only outstanding issue remains my passport...which will not get done untill i recover from my extreme sunburns and look like a human again..cos i have to take a picture...and i look ugly and gross right now...ok thats all i did all week. There...one sentence.