TO DO list for the week of Jul 25 - Jul 29

1. Renew passport -
- Take pictures (1 day)
- Pick up pictures (1 day) *otherwise pick up pictures same day, and pay double*
- Find a guarantor to sign it (1 day)
- Submit papers at the Sparks st office ( 1 day)
2. Get my stupid G1 -
- Find out where the test center is and go write the darn test (1 day)
* if failed, go another day (1 day) .repeat*
3. Submit 4th yr project application
- Wait for Prof Zhang to write back (indefinite)
- Type out letter with graduation plan ( 1 day)
- Go and submit letter at the doe office (1 day)

Note: This list does not take into account my capability and willingness to do things, and ignores the slacking off factor. It does however take into account the fact that I work 8 hours a day and spend 3 hours a day to get to and back from work.

Conclusion: I NEED SOME SERIOUS TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS.

Weekend Ramblings

I got a normal stay-at-home weekend after a long long time. After a month exactly. It was good. I enjoyed being a bum for a bit...but then I got bored!

My eternal dream of buying the perfect skirt (perfect length, perfect color, perfect lining, perfect shape, perfect stiching, perfect flare,perfect amount of sequins on it, and last but not least perfect price) came true on saturday. To celebrate, my room mate and I decided to go to a Lebanese festival which was amazing. First of all I didnt realize there were so many Lebanese people in Ottawa, and second of all, I didnt realize how their culture is so similar to ours. The dances were hillarious! The stage shows were mostly in Lebanese (Arabic?), so I had no idea what they were saying. But I figured it was a skit about a wedding, and the people kept on bursting into song and dance every few minutes. The funniest when the guys started hugging and kissing each other! The highlight of the night was all the cotton candy I indulged in.

I am still suffering from the annoying knee and ankle pain from my 3 and a half hour bike ride from Friday night. It was sooo much fun. I never went down that bike trail before, but apparently it goes all the way into Hull. It was really really pretty at night. But once it hit 11:30 and we sorta reached the end of Ottawa, we started noticing druggies by the river and there were strange smells! So we decided to head back. There was one of those party boats going by too, and it was hillarious, because there were a few drunk guys waving to us frantically from the boat saying they wanted to get off the water! Haha! We quietly ignored and rode away:) It was lots of fun. I want to do this more often, but never at midnight again! It got kinda scary and dark.

Today is official bumming out day. I officially did nothing. Although Rashed has given me a 24 hour deadline of reading the book and writing the test for my G1(drivers license), I dont think I will be able to meet the deadline at all. I was supposed to write the test in march haha! The deadline isnt really 24 hours. The deadline was originally sometime in March. But I was lazy and never did it. And now its at the point where Rashed will flare up with rage or hang up the phone everytime I mention the test, and so I figured I should do it soon, and the only time I have is tommorow. Yikes. Maybe I should go flip through the book.

stuff

Sometimes Allah chooses to sorta shake my world and give me a reality check. Abbu's hospital episode was exctly that. He seems to be ok, and wont be needing surgery, Alhamdulillah. But the whole experience has successfully created chaos in my life.

On to the daily piece of deep thought...
I accidentally happaned to come across one of my friends bank statements and what I saw on it (totally totally subconsciously) is driving me up the wall with anger, shock, dissapointment, depresssion and mostly plain and simple disgust. Like I said I subconsiously learnt this guy who's father is supporting him from Bangladesh has a 150 thousand dollars CASH in the bank, as well as an additional 74 thousand in investments. This guy who is apparently not even known to be a 'rich' man's son...is currently about 20 years old. So if someone who is not really 'rich' can afford to stuff his 20 yr old son's bank account with that humoungous amount of cash...then I wonder what the real filthy 'rich' people can afford. Me growing up in Rajshahi never even fathomed that almst a typical regular Dhakite owns that kind of cash! Ok, not a typical regular one...but now that I think of it, there must be more than quite a few people who are unthinkably rich. In which case, how the heck is our economy so instable?? Well not the economy...what I mean is...how come there are SO many people dying on the streets!!!! I remember in class 9 we had to study this stupid subject called shamajik biggyan...in which there was a sociology part...and we had to define a term 'shamajik oshamonjossho'. I think I realize now what that term really literally means. And come to think of it...the shamajik oshamonjossho in the country is totally man made!!!! If all this filthy stinkin rich people...instead of stuffing up their foreign country bound son's and daughter's bank accounts with unnecessary ridiculous amounts of money, would consider doing worthwhile things for the massive number of people who actually need it, maybe we could be just as prosperous as we wish to be in our fantasies! And as for these filthy rich kids...how would you expect them to even try to keep themeselves motivated if they know they can spend the rest of their lives of their dad's money, and not bother about earning their own!!! Craziness! ABSOLUTE insane craziness! Literally...Im disgusted. Over the last 3 yrs Ive seen so many cases of rich kids coming from bangladesh..totally flunking out and spending all their money on booze...next thing u know...theyre back home, not continuing their degrees. But the ones who stick through..hard working and all...actually have the most uncomfortable lives of all. These are the students Ive noticed...who tend to feel more passionate about the people back home, and tend to sympathize more with the less fortunate people back home, and want to help them out. Strange.

I guess the big picture is the same. The countries with all the economic strength in the world dont necessarily spend their wealth on helping out the struggling countries. On the contrary, they have wars against tiny little entities like Afghanistan! Maybe wealth makes you selfish. Or maybe the richer you get, the more you are blinded towards the rest of the population. Or you just lose awareness about yourself and your capabilites. I guess thats why although most common people think cancelling the african country's debt is no doubt the best thing to do...the actual people concerned will always think about their own gain. Money and humane feelings probably dont go hand in hand. Or maybe Im over reacting.

Anxiety and Hospitals (or Anxiety related to hospitals)

The first time I experienced a hospital ...I cant actually remember when it was...my Nanajaan had a partial stroke in his brain. Most probably it was before my SSC, and I was shielded from the seriousness of the situation. I remember my parents rushing off to Nanajaan's house in the evening (which only happened when there was an emergnecy, otherwise it was always me and my sister going to that house, and my parents just went to pick us up). All I knew was Nanajaan wasnt feeling well. The next afternoon my sister went to visit that house, and Nanajaan had fever and he was shivering, and my sister who was REALLY REALLY small at the time, helped him to the bed and gave him medicine and took care of him untill everyone else came home. I found extremely admirable that my sister even though she was so little (5 or 6 maybe...dont remember) took care of Nanajaan so well. I cant remember if it was that same time or not, but Nanajaan recovered from the fever with a slightly paralyzed cheek. Multiple trips to Dhaka and and check ups showed that he had a partial stroke. Oh, and somewhere between those events, he had to be in the hospital for a bit. Once again I cant remember if it was this time or some other time. But anyways, I was scared out of my mind because I thought this is it, the end of the world, Nanajaan's in the hospital. The first time someone went to the hospital from my family. I was terrified. But my parents and my Nani shielded the whole event from me perfectly, and I had no idea how sick or well Nanajaan was. Anyways. everything was ok, and he came back, and he's been fine since.

Next was Naniamma's turn. One random day I came back from school and took a shower and waited for my Mom to come back from work, and have lunch. She came back alright, but the phone rang, and Naniamma said she was feeling really sick, and had to go to the hospital right away. Off she went. This time things were less chaotic, and my Mom knew who to call. what to do. Naniamma was having internal bleeding due to over dosage of aspirin. Once again, the living day lights were scared out of me, and once again my world was ending. I stayed home with my sister. This time I was a bit more aware of the happenings, and was actually kept in the loop. Although I was really really scared, somehow I knew things would be ok, because I was better prepared. And after all, Nanajaan had been to the hospital and back, and things werent that bad. Well anyways, Naniamma just had to have an endoscopy (we actually got to see inside her stomach!), and some medication, and she came back. I didnt get to go see her in the hospital thank Allah, she was home after a day or 2 I think.

The next time, 2 days before my HSC chemistry first paper, I was studying in my room after dinner, and Ammu was rushing around all over the house, and I realized Abbu wasnt feeling well. This was completely new to me. Abbu was never sick! Literally. That was the first time I saw abbu sick. But ok..he was sick. He could go to sleep and wake up, and things would be ok. NO. The ambulance came in the middle of the night. He went for an ECG. He came back home. Then after a bit was whisked off to the hospital. O My God. This time my world actually shattered for real. This wasnt happening. But it was. This time I was old enough to realize what was going on. And my sister and I were the only ones at home. I cant actually remember if Dadiamma was there. I think she was. So Abbu stayed at the hospital for 5 days. I went to see him. Once again..scared out of my mind. The last time I had been to the hospital was when my sister was born. But that was a happy occasion. And while I walked through the maternity ward towards my Mom's cabin to see my sister, my Mama covered my eyes so that I didnt get to see the ward around me. When I went to see my Dad (who didnt get a cabin, since it was an emergency) in the cardia ward, I realized why my Mama had covered my eyes that first time. Unbelievable. There were people EVERYWHERE. like animals. The most depressing and disgusting sight Ive ever seen in my life. There were dying people lying on the floor all over. I was going crazy inside my mind. I wanted to leave! But I put on a brave face, and lead my sister in. By that time Abbu was more or less ok, and talking to people, so I wasnt that scared. But belive me, I wont ever forget seeing abbu lying in a hospital bed with hundreds of dying people around. Nightmarish experience. So anyways...abbu got ok, came back home after 5 loooooooooooooong days. Within which I wrote my chemistry first and second paper exams. If someone asked me anything related to chemistry during those 5 days, I swear I wouldnt know what they were talking about. And my grades (marks) for those two papers reflected it. But no regrets. Abbu came home, and he was fine. My sis was virtually unaffected, which was a good thing. Cos I dont know what I would have done if she flipped!!! She was too young to handle! And I had never been in charge of her before. Infact that was a whole new experience. Ammu came back from the hospital one night, and Ammu me and my sis were sitting in the living room staring at the tv blankly. Thats another night I will never forget. My first realization about life and its ups and downs. For the first time I realized things wont always be picture perfect as they used to be even 2 days ago. But all was well, and Abbu came back only having to go to Dhaka for an angiogram, which showed he didnt really have anything serious.

Next time, Dadiamma. Im not sure whether I should be glad I wasnt there at the time or not. Im not sure whether it was more traumatic with me being here or me not being there. I will never know. But this time, for the first time, my experience told me things will be ok, and everyone comes back from the hospital. Only this time things werent ok. She came back. But didnt stay too long after that. Theres no way hospitals can be a good place. Nope.

As for today, Abbu's in the hospital again. I called home, and talked to Naniamma. My Naniamma is the most calm and composed person known to mankind. She told me all the happenings of the day, and how and why abbu was taken to the hospital. But made it sound like it was a good thing. Abbu needed rest, and he doesnt get it at home. So its really in his best interest to be in the hospital. Which obviously is. But eveything sounds ok and normal when Naniamma says it. She makes it sound like things are always ok. Even when Dadiamma was so sick. I guess its a gift. And things probably are completely ok. Well not completely ok. But Abbu is just getting some rest. In the hospital that is. I hate hospitals. So does Abbu. And Dadiamma. And my sister. I dont want anymore people to go to the hospital. Although I know things are ok with abbu, its the anxiety that drives me up the wall, and makes me want to go home. Right now.

I hate hospitals.

The Non Post

I officially refrain from talking or thinking about the London bombings. It is absolutely ridiculous and pathetic that people would do things like that. I also refrain from commenting on who is responsible for all this. Its easy to point fingers, but at this point does it even matter who did it? Its probably more important to spread the message of unity against those people. Nobody gives a damn if YOU have problems with the world, if YOU think YOU have to kill innocent people to prove something or defend yourselves. But the world definitely gives a damn when you go out of your way to kill so many innocent people. Be it people on the streets of Iraq or be it people in subways in London or be it people at work at the wtc or even thousnads of people in Bosnia. The world falls apart everytime YOU do something horrible like the London bombings. And 'YOU' arent just media branded 'muslim fundamentalists' (and just a little something I want to tell YOU, please stop calling yourself Muslim and doing things in the name of Allah. YOU stopped being Muslim right after you PLANNED on killing that first innocent guy that you killed for no reason at all). 'YOU' are also crazy obsessed power craving people in charge of rich countries with corrupt external policies. And the point being, 'YOU' are getting nowhere, and achieving nothing. YOUR efforts are totally in vain and pointless. It is upto us (not YOU) to take back control over the world, and to completely ignore YOU and go on with our regular lives with our regular "non-hating" values. It is also up to us to live with the fact that 'YOU' will probably never back down, and continue to do stupid things just the way YOU've always done. We can only make united and organized efforts to stop YOU, which might just end up creating more of YOU in the end. Frustrating.

This wasnt a post by the way. Cos I refuse to talk about ridiculous stupid international affairs that result in lots and lots of families losing their loved ones. My prayers are with all those families.

Cleveland

.. is flat and green. Its amazing how a city that gets so cold, yet so green so fast. Although initially I thought it would boring as ever, I actually ended up enjoying myself. Although the canada day fireworks at Niagara were far smaller scale than the 4th of july fireworks we watched from my Aunt's balcony!! Apparently it was some uni's student groups doing fireworks!!! Canada is to America ... what Bangladesh is to India! Isnt that interesting. Everythings less advertised and not necessarily blown out of proportion in Canada. Or so I think. Whatever.

Six flags was amazing! (its not six flags anymore, but I wasnt paying attention to what its called now) I renewed my sun burn from Montreal, and this time it hurt so much worse than last time! I think I might remain a roller coaster buff till the day I die.

I also got to read Life of Pi finally. Im not entirely sure if I liked it or not. Im still thinking about it.

As another week comes to an end, I come closer and closer to going home yay!

Note: closer = 5 months...but Im being optimistic!