I gave in to the temptations of a pet!

aaahhh the temptations!!!!

Of the world and other stuff...

I honestly didnt expect people to actually read my mile long thesis on teenagers and disrespect! It would have been a more eloquently written short to the point entry had i known. But I guess I got my point across...and Im glad there are more people on earth who feel the same way:)

Another weekend of Bengali Aunties and their elaborate showyness goes by...and I feel less and less a part of the social brown community!!! Its like...im stuck in between. There are the aunties. and there are their daughters. But Im none of those two..and there isnt anyone else like me!!! But whatever...it was fun to watch the little kids do their koran thing. They seem to be really passionate about religion and put so much effort into it:) Although I find it really strange ... cos when I was growing up...religion was very implicit and backgroundish. But kids growing up over here have to have an explicit feeling of religion. I mean when I was growing up..it was a very subtle sense of religion...and there werent any community wide reinforcements about religion. It was very private and a family thing to do. But here I guess it has to be more of a community thing. Im not sure which one I like better. Probably the individual family thing. Not sure.

As for eating chhoto mach with shojnar data and begun/mula bhaji and some kinda deshi mach bhorta with lebu pata....I dont think I still miss that kind of food!!! But I do miss home cooked food regardless of what it is. AND I think Im pretty much tired of eating food I cook myself!

My room mate just took an online survey and found out she is 85% rational. It bothers her. Where did the other 15% go? I think I took it. I sometimes feel Im too rational to go into arguments with people.

Horse riding is sooo much fun. Im glad I got into it. Except its excessively expensive too! Lets hope the fun wins over the expenses. I want to take jumping lessons next.

This weekend went by too fast. I have so much to do. Namely shopping! And stay tuned for my upcoming new and improved website...if some guy called Farhad has some time to help me. Kids are so busy these days...ugghh.

Till then...still missing my family and Rashed... (you're going to be hearing this till december)

Dedicated to Someguy (as well as the rest of the teenage population in the Desh)

Dear Someguy,

Ive been reading your blog and your comments on other people's blogs for a while now. Your disgust and disregard towards life in Bangladesh bothers me! Although I totally understand your frustration having lived in the Desh for about 18 years of my life, I really dont think its as bad as you some times portray it! Its easy to be frustrated with everyday annoyances like loadsheddings during your HSCs or the lack of proper lab facilites at NDC (which i guess is one of the better colleges of BD). But is that enough to assume life in America (where 11 of your cousins are enjoying their every living moment) is so much better? I appologize if this post is offending to you, but your comments about my (our) country is kinda offending to me! Having said that...I really dont mean to offend you here:) And this post is not necessarily aimed only towards you...its for all the other half westernized (indianized?), or wishing to be westernized teenagers out there in Bangladesh.

Like I said, its really easy to be frustrated...but isnt life all about making the best of what you have? Yes, the education system is screwed up...yes, the country doesnt generate enough power to last 48 continuous hours without a loadshedding, yes the govt is messed up and yes the weather is really bad. But why does that make people assume life in 'America' is so much better? Its different I agree. There are a lot more material conviniences I agree. But is that really better? Isnt it all dependant on the circumstances? A question may arise at this point as to why I left Bangladesh, or why did I choose to live in Canada! I may sound like a hypocrite...but I was alsto fed up with the education system back home! Having browsed (literally and physically!) through odds of the public and private universities for two years I decided things werent going my way. Why you may ask. Because I come from Rajshahi. A little university town with little or no outlet to the world beyond the jamuna and the padma! At least for me there wasnt. My world consisted of the Rajshahi University campus since I was 2 yrs old. All my friends lived there, my Nana Nani lived there, my Dadi lived there, and of course most of the people I knew lived there. My school was also within the boundaries of the campus. Yes indeed, that was my world. And as most people on that campus did, I also started out with Rajshahi University. But just like you Someguy, I was 17 and the 'western lands' as I watched on tv or heard from my cousins (yes I also have those!) seemed so much more lucrative than the imminent life at RU...of the 8 months that I spent with Somlal Das and Ganjer Ali and Kanto Sir (with due respect, no personal offense meant to my ru teachers!), we had only 3 months of classes!!! And for whatever amusing reason...I chose computer science, which I never really liked. Apparently it was the hardest department to get into..and since I got through the admission test, I couldnt miss out on such an opportunity could I! Talk about wrong decisions! But I digress. Anyways...so after 8 months, I felt myself being sucked into the brain drain syndrome...but at that point I was still putting my heart before my brains. I chose to stay back. BUT not in Rajshahi. My oh-so-bright future and oh-so-high-hopes about my future were being dragged down by the monotone of Rajshahi. I had to get out! *this is still the point in life where I felt your frustration someguy:)* So lo and behold...I moved to NSU! And guess what...I LOVED DHAKA!!!!Much to everyones amazement I must say. You hardly meet people who love dhaka anymore...but I truly am one of them. Infact, if you ask me now...after recovering from my someguy-syndrome...I love Rajshahi too. Let me explain...

In your late teenage yrs, you grow a certain sense of unsettled-ness. You feel like you have to do something better with your life. Specially when the circumstances around you push you to belive you're living in the pits. Also you have the media and a few grown ups around you who are not satisfied with their own lives constantly subconsciously leading you to belive that your life is crap...and this country is going to the dogs, and that you have to leave before it all comes to an end. But once you grow older (and mature) you start thinking for yourself. I can only describe these facts based on my own experience (although most of the people Ive talked to feel the same way!). My year at NSU was the best EVER. I had the most fun in my whole entire life. Partially due to the fact that I found csc at nsu to be really easy...but thats a different story. A year went by...and I realized csc is really not for me. My engineering mind was seeking something more challenging! My parents dreaded the idea of me going to BUET. Apparently I would be facing the same session jams as RU or even worse, and so there was no point in switching to buet, specially since i was already 2 yrs behind. Thats the point in life where I blindly and subconsiously and almost by default opted to come back to my land of birth! Resisting all warnings of crazy winters, having to live on my own, having to deal with real life (the scariest by far)...I moved to Ottawa. And guess what...my engineering insticts are certainly satisfied...but life is still as crappy in terms of materialistic gains as it was in Rajshahi!!!! Only to a different level! But the difference is, I know the crappiness is eventually coming to an end. So in short, to compare my life in Rajshahi and my life in Ottawa...here are the similarities and differences...in Rajshahi, when I wanted to hang out with friends, the only place I was allowed to go was either my friend's house, or to the only fast food place at the time Chillis! Here in Ottawa I can choose from a whole different things to do with my friends. In Rajshahi, if I wanted to go anywhere at all, I could just hop on a rickshaw and go. In ottawa I actually have to wait forever for buses to take me places (I cant afford a car yet). In Rajshahi I never NEVER had to worry about food or money. In Ottawa, my life evolves around thinking about the next meal and how to finance it (ok thats dramatizing it...but its sorta true hehe!). In Rajshahi summers were DISGUSTING. Winters were beautiful. In Ottawa Winters are DISGUSTING..and this year ... SO IS THE SUMMER. It wasnt only 39 degrees...it was 47. There arent any loadshedding issues in Ottawa, BUT I dont have a ceiling fan, let alone an AC!!! I dont even have to step outside to sweat or bake myself! So you see...there will ALWAYS be pros and cons. No matter where you live. No matter how poor or rich or corrupt or perfect your country apparently is. It all depends on circumstances! Yes, it took me a year or so to figure out the facts of life. But in the mean time I dont think I ever disrespected or publicly defamed my country (although the media took care of that for me hehe!). Teenagers in Bangladesh these days not only tend to disregard their country, but also the religion and culture and everything that comes with the package. That is such a shame! I dont understand why these teenagers tend to forget they are the ones who collectively represnt the coutnry. If you make a global show of disrespect for your country, the global community in return will grow disrespect for you. YOU ARE YOUR CULTURE. YOU ARE YOUR RELIGION. YOU ARE YOUR NATION. No matter how corrupt the country is, no matter how messed up the government or the society is...no matter where I go, I represent Bangladesh. I represent Islam. I represent my family. Do I not? So even though millions of kids out there choose to wear western outfits to be a part of the 'in' crowd...I dont at all mind wearing my typical deshi attire while Im in the desh. Infact Im a lot more comfy in deshi clothes while in the desh. And whether or not in the blogging world, or the real world...I can never forget what I represent. Yes I represent a corrupt third world country. Yes I represent the people of a nation that is apparently going down the drain...but that shouldnt stop me from being the person I was brought up as. It shouldnt stop me from being proud of the lifestyle in my country. The social life in bangladesh, the natural beauty, the family values, the friends, the hartals, the loadsheddings, the aunties and their gossip, the rickshaws, the traffic jams, the streets always always full of people, the broken down buses on the streets, the fruits all year round, the uncertainty....its all amazing...its all bangladesh. You've got to love it! Maybe the western world has its own materialistic comforts as well as an obvious incentive of social security...and maybe we all love that aspect of it. But if you think of it, the west has its cons too. Just like Bangladesh has its pros. Its just easier to see the pros of the west and the cons of the Desh. But you will only find peace when you look beyond all that. When you accept your life as it is. Im not saying you stop dreaming....cos thats what will take you places after your HSCs lol! But your dreams shoud not just be focused towards the west. Yes the life at Cornell and Texas A&M maybe fabulous in terms of academic facilities. And maybe for the sake of your education, it is logical to go to university where there are no session jams and you actually learn stuff from your teachers and not private tutors! But then again...think about all those 17/18 yr old rich kids in gulshan and baridhara living in their own apartments given to them by their parents (eeek....no personal attacks to me friends...just saying u guys are so darn lucky!!hehe)! With your Texas A&M undergrad degree...what are the odds of you owning an apartment of your own at 18??? Compare the number of 18 yr olds driving their own fancy shmancy vehicles in dhaka and those in the west. How many of the kids in the west are being finances by their parents after the age of 18? How many are there in Dhaka, let alone Bangladesh. Let alone rich families...think about middle class famlies. Where will a typical middle class kid be better off financially? So its not about Texas A&M, its not about Rajshahi University, its about YOU. Its about what you make of your life. I know a whole bunch of people who came to the the states for education, but eventually went back to Bangladesh. If life was really that bad, that you have to blog around the world always saying negative things about it, would so many people really choose to go back? Speaking for myself, I appreciate my life here, just as much as I appreciated my life in Rajshahi or Dhaka. Yes there were hardships. There were times when i was fed up with everything. But not for a single moment was I announcing to the world that I live in a crap hole!!! Because I never felt that way. I always judged my life from the point of view of my life alone. If things around me were ruining my life...so be it. There could always be things around me that could ruin my life. Not the country itself!!! Its sporadic events or people. Definitely not the country as a whole! RU closed down for 3 months after a maramari while I was going there. I couldnt care less! Nothing I said or did would change the situation! There was really no point in complainig. So I moved to NSU. I didnt like csc. I moved to Carleton. If theres something about your life that you dont like...CHANGE IT. If you cant change it DONT COMPLAIN ABOUT IT TO THE WHOLE WORLD! And if you really truly cant change it right now, be patient, and dont give up. Persistance is the key:) If you doubt the state of Islam in the current world, dont leave questionable comments in other people's blogs! Practice Islam the way you think it shoudl be in your own personali time/life. Read the quran, interpret what it tells you, and follow it the way you think it should be followed. Its as simple as that. And once again, this is not specific to Someguy, its for all the complainy people out there lol!

In conclusion...I really truly did not mean to offend anyone here. Its just random thoughts in my mind that were provoked by various kids over the last couple of months. For some people life is really hard, for some people things just come easy. If youre living in Bangladesh, and have HSCs going on during a massive phase of loadsheddings, I understand the agony totally. I lived through it too. But honestly, theres sooooooo much more crap going on in the world. Just look around you. Literally. And think about it...if all the people in Bangladesh were just as bitter and sullen about life, then what would happen to the country? Try to make the best of it. Its really not that bad when you make the effort to clearly define your purpose in life. And another HUGE message I want to sign out with...DONT JUDGE BANGLADESH BY DHAKA AND DHAKA ONLY! Theres soooooo much more to the country! SOOOO MUCH MORE! Theres a world outside of dhaka and theres a world outside of ndc someguy! Some people like me passed our HSC's from crappy schools like RU school...we didnt tip the Mama, or bribe the external! Things worked out fine:) Plus with all the recent crack downs on cheating during board exams, Im pretty sure all the people interested in dui nombori in HSCs and SSCs will think twice. So things are getting better, and its not that the country is absolutely hopeless. Actually come to think of it...why are we even comparing bdlife to western life??? If America was 30 something yr old, we would probably have grounds to compare....right now we should leave the two lifestyles separate without any comparisons:) Im glad to know all your family members in America always tell you the bright side of things, thereby giving you only the positive picture. How about you try it out for the next few months. Blog about all the good things in Bangladesh, completely ignoring the negative things! I wish we could all do that!!! Things would be so much simpler:)

Ok, so now that Ive established that life is only good or bad depending on what you make of it, it is time for me to go get some sleep! I feel so much better now:) Once again....no hard feelings Someguy!!! We can still be friends;)

Note: I dont want to generalize...not all the teens are the way i assume them to be...and not all the people I assume to be the way I do are teens! SO NO OFFENSE MEANT IS MY BOTTOM LINE!!!

meme! what the heck!

thanks to tanm..me been tagged!

for more info go to tanm.

Number of Books I own: Depends. My primary book collection is located at my real home (which is currently owned by lil miss scribbles!) But if you count how many books I have in my room right now...I would say about a miserable 10.

Last Book Bought: Gone With the Wind ...collecters version! YAYYYY!!! FINALLY!!!

5 books that mean a lot to me:

Sophies World: changed me life!!!!

Mansfield Park: Dont ask why!!! (ps. I have had recurring dreams of leading a mansfield park life after graduation...very odd...but i figure the book has somethng to do with my future...have no clue what)

Gorbhodharini (Shomoresh): I may not have a boyish hair cut, and I may not have quit school and gone off to some anti-urban locality and made out with some bushman...but there was a time when I totally felt her motivation! Although in my late teens during my semi rebelious phase of life...it still made a difference. If you ask me now, I totally think the book is total fantasy with a tinge of drama...back then it was hard core reality! :) whatever. I enjoyed it.

The Alchemist: omg....EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS ONE...you'll know why i always rant and rave about it!!!!!

Metamorphosis (Kafka): There was a point when I felt like a bug hehe:) NOT ANYMORE. IM OVER IT THANK GOD!!!!

there u go! I tag Masuma and Nashat and Shappir.

i Cant....i cant i cant...

i cant do this anymore...omg omg omg... I dont like being alone.

Happy Birthday To me (AND my sis!!!)

One amazing weekend. One insane sun burn. 97 pictures. 4 awesome presents. ... and of course the begining of my 23rd year. Thats what I got for my birthday!

I always found formula one to be the most boring thing in the whole entire world. Fast cars zooming by....whatever! But that was on tv. When I finally decided to go watch it in real life (the result of a lot of persuasion by my friends!) it was sooooooooooooooooooo much more fun than i had imagined! I never realized how sophisticated and detailed those cars are! And I didnt realize how fast they actually are. AND how loud they actually are! It was crazy...cars zooming by at 350 km/h. The energy was amazing:) The result of sitting out in the sun from 10 am to 3 pm was not as nice as i would like it to be...but still i dont regret the disgusting sun burn im still suffering from! I have blisters all over....but it was so much fun! haha! We didnt stay for the concert afterwards cos it was so hot.

Montreals nice. But I dont think I would like to live there. Its too european hahahah!

Laser tag was amazing too:) I should plan it more often with more people. Im glad all those people came out . I didnt even remember some of them haha! Getting lost in Cornwall was hillarious! Shekhar needs to learn how to give directions!!!! He was trying to tell us how to get to the slivercity off Blair...and almost sent us off to montreal instead heeeheee! But that was also partially my fault....not really....i dont drive...i dont know my way around! I know bus routes! but after 11 there really are no buses that can bring me home...so i had to trust shekhars driving directions...which almost made us miss the movie! Mr and mrs smith was fun. I wouldnt say its the best movie in the world....but it was more or less entertaining...nothing special.

Brittania beach is fun too....only i wish there were less peopel! Although I guess that is the point of beaches...specially when its that small.

So my sister has already started to belive that 14 is the year of friends. This is the year all her friends(boys and girls alike) will come together and get over all their stupid little problems..and finally grow up. Luckily for her, her presumptions came true a few minutes after midnight! haha! Good for her! She also wants to buy a guitar:| Her wish lists never end...first it was the bike....now its the guitar. I might just buy it for her so that she stops driving everyone up the wall about it!!!:P

As for other things...I just realized this is my last summer with Maria and Chris. So I should make an effort to cut down on work hours and spend time with them!!!!! Not that I cant cut down on work hours....I probably choose not to...lesson learnt from my last work term....always get as much as possible done in the begining, so that youre not stuck with waaaaaaaay too much work in the last 2 weeks of work!

k time to get back to work.....Oh and its my Mom's birthday tomorow! Isnt it fun to have so many birthdays back to back:)

And a big huge thank you to all the people who sent me birthday messages...specially to Masuma for singing in my voice mail;) That was so cute!

hahhaha!!!!

omg, I just disabled security on my pc, and now i can sneak in some blogging time during the day! hehehehhe:)

So points to ponder :

- Is it really possible to 'LOOK' muslim?
I remember when I was in school, I had a friend K. She was hindu. And one day and yellow birds camp, I over heard two girl guides talking about her...and they were saying ...I think shes hindu, cos she looks hindu. This was a gazillion years ago! But I still remember it!!!!! I was about 11 or 12. Maybe younger. I remember wondering how can a person look hindu? How can you look like a religion? I mean, of course you can look like a south indian or look like a north indian. But you cant look hindu! Thats ridiculous. Due to something Masuma wrote in her blog, I am now wondering, how can people look muslim. Do we really look muslim? If we do, is it a good thing to look muslim? Or maybe if we are muslim, but we dont look muslim...thats a bad thing. omg, i think im wasting too much time pondering haha! Come to think of it, I remember a few people being surprised when I said I was muslim and I fast and pray and dont drink and dont eat pork...the regular stuff. They said I dont act muslim because I go to clubs or I go to bars with my friends. That maybe bad. But is it? Cos I have enough faith and self control to go to night club, but not pick up or dance with random guys (haha!), and i go to bars, but dont drink. Is that still not acting muslim? Maybe...ughh...yeah seriously Im wasting time here...I think I will continue pondering silently about this...cos i dont want me blog to spur controversy hehe!

- How important is it to have a stable north american job right after you graduate?
What if I graduate next year, and decide to go back home. Would people be totally dissapointed in me, and consider the time and money invested into my north american education a total waste? Although I choose to stay here (for other reasons!) and work for a regular high tech industrial unit that will generate more than necessary income for me so that i can pay for my day to day living and continue with a process of neverending savings. I hate the idea of saving! It drives me insane!!! No matter how hard you try to remain non materialistic and down to earth, you simply cant! Everything seems to evolve around money. All your choices, all your decisions totally end up being made because of financial reasons. YUK! Anyways...the point being....why did I choose to stay here? Because that seemed to be the logical no brainer option. Blah... you go home, you waste your education. You go home, you didnt live your life to the fullest. You go home, youre not as financially solvent as over here. Haha! Whatever... Im making sound worse than it really is! Maybe its not that bad...maybe I will figure it out as I get there...

- Teenagers (Rajshahi ones!).... WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM????????
Back in the day, in ancient times, when I was a teenager.... things used to be soooo different! My sister and me are 9 years apart. My teens and pre teens were completely consumed by school and outdoor sports. Didnt have unnecessary mind-plaguing tv shows to mess with our brains, and no unlimited resources of computer/video games. I know it wasnt too long ago. But thats how life was in Rajshahi. Despite all my complaints ... it was awesome! but NOW...as my sister describes...its mostly about girls gushing over boys, and boys chasing about girls!! Whos hot, whos not kinda deal! How did that happen??? More like WHEN did that happen! I think I totally missed out on the morphing process of a generation! Teens in Rajshahi dont seem to have a life anymore. The time spent between traveling from one private tutor to another, and going to school and back seem to be spent on discussing the surreal world of hindi serials. Aaahhh well...as cable tv creeps in, and the bengali muslim culture goes out the door, I wonder what will happen in a few more years. I wonder what the 'Bengali Identity' will stand for in 10 years from now.