underground 2

NFS that is. For those of u into gaming, u will recognize this to be one of the most talked about (and liked) racing games ever. I havent gamed in ages...but i re discovered racing at a friends house last weekend, and realized I miss home! Im such a loser! ANything and everything makes me miss home!!! But .... nothing. I just wanna go home. Maybe december...hmmm.

Weekend trips with friends are so much fun. Specially if its far far away. I tried to explain to tanwi why her definition of the top 'heavenly' places to live in should be close to niagara. She refuses to accept. Cos her definition of heavenly doesnt include industrialization..in other words...everything has to be natural. Im not quite sure I agree...but thats me and my cosmopolitan point of view. Ive been missing my family and friends a whole lot more this week. This gets worse by the day!


In search for a heavenly place for Tanwi to settle down in, I have browsed through millions of places on google. I realized how much I want to go to new places and see new things. The same ol parks and hikes and ski resorts arent fun anymore. I need to see something different. Although what Im not quite sure. I just feel like I have to leave the comforts of the west (just for a short period of time only hehe), and go visit some place different. Stay in a hotel (no camping.NO.). Have resturant meals. But yet be able to drive away to natural beauty everyday. Then come back to the hotel again! hehe! Im so demanding arent I! Yeah I like my comfort zone...and I dont want to leave it. Its a pity I havent seen most of my own country. My goal is to make an effort to see the cool places back home before I actually start planning that world trip of mine....Trinidad, Chile, Brazil and Alaska (not in order of preference). I just need some time and money...and it will all come true! Yeah Im very optimistic when it comes to plans. Im not sure Allah is always with me on them, but he's still listening for sure. So obviously something or other will come out of it inshallah. Something different...thats all I want.

HOW TO DEAL.....

...WITH 13 YR OLDS!

My sister is at that difficult point in life, when everything she says is right, and nobody else knows better. The problem is, Im too far away to figure out how to deal with it. I remember I went through it too, but my parents were right there with me, so things figured themselves out more or less (lots of yelling and shouting...but turned out fine!) on their own. I was giving parenting advice on someone's blog a couple of days ago based on the experience Im gaining from talking to my sister. But I think my advice has run sorta dry now. My sister has reached the point where I dont know how to deal with her anymore! Shes very stubborn and has a crazy temper! And once she logs off on me on msn...theres really nothing more I can say or do. And another problem is that she (really!) is a quite a bit smarter (and hence quicker at getting a point through in an argument)than me...and that really doesnt help me! Our conversations are dead ends, and I dont know what to do about it. Im making this sound like a lot bigger problem than it really is...but I really truly want her to be able to get through this as soon as possible! I wasted so much time going through this stage, and being miserable, hating the place i live in, not agreeing with my parents, wanting to leave home and moving to some place 'better'. By all means...it was just my age acting up! Now that I look back, I wish I had someone to point out to me that I was being stupid! And thats exactly what I want to do with my sister. But I guess everyone needs their own time to grow up, and my sister will need it to. As far as instilling my (parents) values and morals in her, maybe she will eventually do it on her own. But what should I do to help her get their faster? Or maybe right now! I dont know. We'll just have to wait it out....

sick sick sick :(

I hate being sick! I get all grumpy and miserable! I didnt get to go over to masumas place. I had so much planned for the weekend...didnt get to do anything! So annoying. Bad time to get sick. The lunch was good. People are weird sometimes. You go out of your way to arrange stuff...and nobody cares to thank you! But doesnt matter...seemed like most people had a good time. So its all good. Saber complained a lot though. But who cares hehe. Chris and his camera. Im going to confiscate that camera and burn it!!! Its so annoying to have a camera in your face ALL the time! You end up with hundreds of pictures...and the individual pictures lose value. Its better to take a few pictures of something, so that every picture is important, and you remember them individually. But thats just my opinion. I cant belive I came to work today...I should be home sleeping...my head hurts...haha...Im complaining too much. I better get back to work.

sugar and spice and all things nice

Some people - who constantly lie to your face, trying to cover up things that they said earlier, and think you have no idea they are lying - eventually get caught up in their own little game and totally lose control of things. Yes, I am refering to someone in particular, and yes I know she wont ever be reading this. But I felt the need to express it anyways. What happens in the end to people like that? I dont really know.

My best friend called from Rajshahi called me (the first time in the last 2.5 yrs!) and woke me up. It was so weird! I didnt realize it was her...and I talked to her for a couple of minutes not knowing who she is or why shes calling! By the time I was fully awake, she had to hang up. About time I start calling my old friends and pick up where I left off in the summer. Cant believe its almost been a year since I went home.

As for the sugary and spicy and nice stuff ... Spring is here...and I wake up all happy and cheerful again! A friend of mine sent me a picture from 1994 where me and my friends were having a lil picnic. Brought back memories all over again! Im such cry baby arent i! I keep on thinking about my childhood and getting all teary eyed! hehe. But yeah...Im not sure I want to go back to my childhood(some people I know definitely would like to!)...I definitely think growing up has been an amazing experience. If someone asked me if there was anytihng about my life that I would like to change...Im not sure I would like to change anything! Yes, I go through my depressive states where I think everything went wrong, and I messed up the whole big picture....but on any given normal day, I wouldnt want to change anything.

Something weird I realized ... I have so much more control over my life than most people around me! Thats crazy! I used to be under the impression that Im just going with the flow... but I think I changed my mind. I have truly been able to keep my life under control, and follow my instincts when it came to making big choices. Obviously that means Ive been capable of listening to my heart (Allah)...and make rational decisions. Yay for me!

And last but not least...the juicy gossip material...contrary to my beliefs, Junu Khala hasnt given up on the physical therapist guy!!! haha! What is wrong with people! I am going to try my best to ignore all the happenings and let Ammu deal with it. Abbu probably wont say a word...cos Abbus always good at ignoring ridiculous issues(family drama)! He only deals with the serious ones. But abbu and ammu both have so much more to deal with right now. I really wish Junu Khala would leave us alone .. temporarily. Cos when she leaves me alone for a long time, I start missing her bossy-ness! Like Binsi...she's definitely washed her hands off me...and I miss her so much now! We hardly have anything to talk about anymore...cos she usually so cautious of what shes saying...and Im so cautious of what Im saying! But things will be better sooner or later for sure.

Oh, and yeah...I watch American Idol...anyone have a problem with that????? grrr....

craziness!!

Ive been reading quite a lot of blogs these days...some crazy people out there!!! And a whole lot more cool people. In general...peoples blogs make me realize how grateful I really should be for all the good things I have in my life. (Masumas gratitude list idea.. yeah!) Its crazy how much stuff I have that I take for granted! Its like...when youre moving....you go through all your stuff...and find a whole bunch of stuff that you bought/had lying somewhere waaaaay behind otehr stuff in your closet....and you dont even remember them! But at the time they mustve been important to you. Exactly how I feel about my life sometimes!!!!! WEIRD!

My sisters going to be so proud of me!!! I finally used a metaphor that actually makes sense...and its a 'grown up' metaphor too yay! lolz! ok Taans....waiting for your comments;)

u gain some, u lose some

Looks like Im gonna have to resign from my vice chair position at the IEEE. Im the one who made a big fuss about people being on co op, couldnt be on the exec team....but yeah...i dunno...i think it should be up for a vote. So next meeting I will be telling them about my co op issues....things just dont seem to work out perfectly ever! Well actually they probably do...I just dont realize it in the short term...all those inshallah's probably dont go invain;) k time to go home....

why the hell do I not learn my lesson????

So for a few moments today my awesome amazing plans fell to their doom, then came back up again..well sort of. Alcatel offered me the job....but for 8 months. There was really no way I could do the 8 month thing. Infact I wouldnt even apply had I known it was an 8 month position (the lady changed it last minute!!!). So now, I have this job I really wanna do in my face...and I was about to decline it. Cos I need to grdaute in 2006. Oh man! How do I manage to mess up my life like this!!!!!! whatever. So I decided, my life really wont be that messed up, other than the fact that I will be grdauating 6 months later...in dec06. k so, once again, I chose career over family! I can be so darn lame sometimes I feel like kicking myself!!!! But I guess its not that bad. My dad doesnt think its so bad. Although he made sure I know he doesnt like the idea of me graduating 6 months late. Its just my dad and chachajaan that make me feel I should graduate in the summer. Thats the only pressure I feel right now. Chachajaan wont be too happy! but anyways...Ive made my choice. and like ive always said, whenever I make a choice, it usually turns out to be ok...or maybe even really good! Its just the plans that dont work out the way I want them to work out! In the end im sure Allah is still here with me...and doing whats best for me, but its still really really really frustrating!